Adolescence: The Frustration Of Parents

Their talkative child begins not to speak at all and to no longer tell what is going on in his life. It is a difficult time to live, especially because of the fact that this silence is voluntary.

Oddly enough, this lack of communication only exists with parents and other family members. Conversely, they will tend to confide their deepest thoughts and feelings to their friends.

Their parents therefore feel excluded from their children’s circle of trust. This situation can generate arguments and misunderstandings that can be avoided.

The adolescent’s silence is fleeting

From the moment we become parents, we forget all the stages we have gone through to build ourselves as adults. What your child has experienced, you have experienced it too.

Why weren’t you talking to your parents? What made you more confident in your friends? There are a whole host of reasons for this, which are quite understandable, as adolescence is a time of change.

The reasons for silence

• They don’t know what’s happening to them: teens have changing thoughts and emotions. Their hormones are constantly changing and they are unable to explain what is going on in their body and mind. They therefore fail to express it and explain it to others.
• They think you are not going to understand them: Communication problems can arise, between parents and children, because of a problem of understanding. This is why adolescents prefer to anticipate them, and not to say anything, so as not to provoke conflicts.
• They trust their friends more because they spend more time with them: they are the ones who are present during high school classes and during their extracurricular activities. It therefore seems logical that they think they are best able to understand them. Moreover, they have to face the same stage.

Do you recognize yourself in what we have just described? Even though adolescence is now far behind us, we must put ourselves in the shoes of our children. They are going through a stage of confusion that we ourselves had to overcome.

The most important thing is to keep in mind that this is all fleeting. The silence of adolescence does not last forever. You will soon have in front of you an adult who will talk to you and trust you completely.

The frustration of adolescence consuming you

Pointing out and yelling at your children are two behaviors that will only make the situation worse. Faced with this overflow of emotions, your teenagers will only respond to you with more cries and more aggressiveness.

This is why it is important that you learn to control your frustration, before it devours you completely.

Even if you want your child to talk to you, you can’t make them. No matter how badly you want him to trust you, you have to give him time.

Patience is your greatest allies in trying to understand your child and in letting him go through this difficult stage with confidence.

Many parents blame their teens for bad behavior when they lack the ability to control themselves. They are not responsible for this difficult stage in their life.

It is a test that we all have to go through.

How to help them during adolescence (and help you at the same time)?

In order to help your children overcome the mutism of adolescence, you must not only think about your frustration: you must try to help them.

With this goal in mind, it is necessary to take into account a few tips. They will cost you nothing and will allow you to improve your relationship with your teenager:

• Do not invade their personal space : adolescents are very attached to their personal space and their privacy. Even if you do it sometimes with the best of intentions, don’t invade their space.
• Do not insist : it does not work. Forcing them to speak will only reinforce their silence.
• Do not confront them: the more you blame them for not trusting you and not being sincere about what is happening to them, the more they will move away from you and the less they will want to tell you about their life.
• Never lose your cool : it might be the hardest thing to do, but if you tense up and show the extent of your frustration, your children will move away from you even further.
• Don’t try to be their best friend : even if you want to be part of their circle of trust, you are not their friend and never can be. Sometimes they need someone who is firm, who sets limits and imposes authority on them, in order to guide them along the difficult path they are taking.

To conclude

Keep in mind that teenage silence doesn’t last a lifetime. It is one more step on the path of existence, which we all go through with varying degrees of success.

The important thing is to be patient and not to want to monopolize our children. Suppressing them and trying to correct them permanently are two behaviors that will only make matters worse.

Even if you feel like they are moving away from you, they will quickly become close to you again. In a more mature, self-aware version.