The Fear Of Abandonment: How To Fight The Fear That Our Partner Is Moving Away?
Fear of abandonment usually begins in childhood and develops later in adulthood. The fear that our partner will leave us is synonymous with emotional dependence and insecurity. However, it is possible to combat this terrible fear. Discover today in this article how to fight the fear that our partner will move away and abandon us.
Did you know that one of the reasons we don’t express our feelings or thoughts is often the fear of giving up? We don’t even dare to talk about something that might bother the other person, so that it doesn’t occur to them to go away and leave us alone.
The fear of abandonment is like a prison. It is a closed and suffocating space that cancels all our relationships. Far from torturing ourselves to experience this reality, understanding its foundations can help us deal with these situations much better. For starters, the fear of abandonment is a primary fear.
This fear of abandonment can be linked to a traumatic situation of our childhood or our adolescence but also to the abandonment of our former partner. In any case, it is very important to work on this feeling in order to be able to feel liberated and safe.
It is common to react with poorly adapted social behaviors when we are growing up in a context of insufficient care or neglect. Indeed, a person’s attachment is the main component of social and emotional development during early childhood.
It refers to the bond that the child establishes with his parents or his main protectors. This bond will be a powerful reference for the rest of the relationships the child will establish during childhood. In addition, it will often be also for those that it will establish after this vital stage.
The insecurity caused by the fear of being abandoned can completely undermine a relationship, especially when it is the result of a childhood broken and passed over in silence. Living in a situation of lack of confidence and hypersensitivity to constant rejection only causes unease and instability.
Discover today in this article how to cope with this fear as well as the reasons which explain its origin.
The fear of abandonment: when and how does it occur?
Emotional addiction is a big chain that binds us to another person. In most cases, emotional dependence manifests itself in a romantic or couple relationship. And for this reason, we are afraid that the other person will leave, that they will leave us and forget about us. This is due to the fact of feeling that without the presence of the other, we will not be happy, we will feel alone and there will be no reason to keep our joy of living.
We are often made to believe that we arrive in the world in an incomplete way and that we cannot feel good if we do not find “our other half”. But this romantic myth is a complete illusion. Indeed, we do not depend on anyone to be happy, to feel good or to enjoy life.
The fear of abandonment usually begins in childhood. Sometimes it is due to parents who attach too much importance to children or do not leave them alone for a minute. It is true that the bond with children is indissoluble, pure and complete, but it can also engender dependence on children. And worst of all, it can mark a person for the rest of their life.
Babies often feel anxious or sad when their mothers move away from them. This is quite normal, because mothers embody security and well-being. As soon as they return, the children smile and feel comfortable again. However, sometimes children may also feel that they are insufficiently protected, hungry and in need. They haven’t been taught to be self-reliant and independent, so an attachment that looks so beautiful can hurt their personality as well.
There are wounds like the feeling of abandonment which, even when conscious, remain engraved deep in us and are able to condition a good part of our life. Sometimes certain situations experienced in childhood leave traces and are capable of destroying us from the inside without our realizing it.
Why can the fear of abandonment occur later?
The fear of abandonment may continue later as the child grows up and becomes an adult. In these cases, he will still need the attention of another person, who will then likely be his partner.
The fear of being abandoned persists and can develop over time to the point that you cannot do or think about anything else. An adult who is dependent on love and that “sense of security” in a relationship is more likely to end up alone and the other person to move away.
Of course, the point is, no one likes to be “attached” to someone who is emotionally dependent, with no aspirations, no activities, no future goals, and who is just looking not to be abandoned. In these cases, the individual thus becomes a toxic person with whom one does not particularly want to share his life.
Continuous surrender takes us away from reality and our thoughts. However, there is something that needs to be understood. Feeling the fear of being abandoned at some point by those we love belongs to the register of the understandable, especially if we have already suffered from this situation before. This feeling, which is pathological, is in fact linked to a feeling of anxiety. For this reason, we must not let our obsessive thoughts take over and believe that we are going to be eternally abandoned by others.
Once we have learned to deal with this original angst, once our wounds are definitely healed, everything will change. In the end, we end up leaving this prison where we have housed only out of need, emptiness or injuries in order to live with more integrity.
How to overcome the fear of abandonment?
It’s not about blaming our parents for the way they raised us. Also, don’t blame that old partner who left you when you were very happy. On the other hand, you will have to work at all costs to heal these blockages and overcome your own traumas.
In this way, we can be free, independent and complete, whether we are with someone or not. There is no doubt that this is a slow process, with very little change at the start. However, if one practices with consistency and dedication, the goal of freeing oneself from this fear can be achieved.
So if this is your case, don’t try to be “self-sufficient” overnight because you won’t realize it. Obviously, it is not a question of being pessimistic, but quite realistic. Make gradual changes and rejoice every time you make a positive change.
First, you will need to work to learn to love and respect yourself for who you are. You should also know how to take the opportunity to take care of yourself. Do it without waiting for your partner’s approval or permission. You will not be abandoned because you start to think about yourself, on the contrary! Remember, no one likes to be with a dependent 24 hours a day every day.
Look for activities where your partner is not accompanying you. You can go to a beauty salon, dance, or sign up for a cooking class. Even if he can accompany you, the idea is that he does not. You must feel good without his presence.
Let nothing stop you: tips to overcome the fear of abandonment
How long have you been shopping, going to the movies or having an afternoon coffee on your own? Consider these options as they could be your next activities! There is nothing wrong with sharing moments with yourself or other people. And then, you can always count on a friend, the one who is always available and who will make you smile.
If you call or write to him several times a day to tell him how much you love him and that you can’t live without him, stop doing it. Reduce these messages to one or two at most. Use this energy to focus on yourself. And if, despite your best efforts, you cannot dispel your doubts and fears, seek outside support. For example, it might be a good idea to seek professional help.
If you are very afraid of giving up, the best thing to do is talk to your partner. Tell him how you are feeling and he will probably give you several ideas on how to overcome this problem. By counting on his help, of course you will also be able to achieve this. Contrary to what you might think, talking about this fear will not drive the person who loves you away. On the contrary, it will unite you even more in a more authentic way.
Overcoming the fear of abandonment and achieving emotional self-sufficiency is no easy task. However, we can do this based on one belief: we have value. We can be important, bright and strong without having to depend on anyone. Once we are able to give ourselves the love we deserve, everything will change.
